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Whitchurch Road
Chester, CH3 9DR
UK

07826847113

Documentary Wedding photography based in Chester UK. A UK and International Photographer creating documentary, quirky, relaxed wedding photography   

40 things to do before I am 40

My Lost Love

40 things to do before I am 40

Sarah Sadler

I wrote A list around 8 weeks after Rich passed away...

I think at the time, it was some vain attempt to cling onto a life with Rich still in it.

You see Rich had so many plans for us both...in his short life of 38 years, he had accomplished so much...I guess bipolar can have its perks.... 

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While I had played it safe, Rich took risks. Those risks gave him a life...this was one of the many lessons and beauty Rich brought into my life....if you don't go and do and be, if you don't celebrate EVERY-SINGLE-FUCKING-THING, then whats the point? He dragged me from my safe zone and gave me life...

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And I am not sure why, but last night I dug out the list I had written a couple of months ago...and can you imagine...the list I had not looked at, I had accomplished some of the things I had written down.

I guess that's the thing with intention...they become real! People will come to you...make things happen....

~ Climb a mountain. This was the 1st on my list. At the time I had not eaten for weeks. I was living on cups of tea, cigarettes and 3 hours sleep a day...and yet I wanted to take this broken body up a mountain. I wanted to be closer to Rich. I wanted to show that no matter how broken I was...I was still standing. I sent my friend a message....she is the kind of girl that walks mountains for fun. If anyone was going to get me up that bloody mountain it would be her...and so we are on the 21st of this month..

*I need walking shoes...

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~ Talk about Mental Health. I had no idea at the time on what platform this would happen....all i knew was that i have thoughts, feeling, experience and ideas to share about Mental Health. I have been approached to join a live Radio Session to talk about Mental heath. This will be on the 7th March

* Reading a Ted Talk book so I do not ramble!

~ Create a body of work. I have been doing a little self portraiture. Brought myself a camera trigger and I have three concepts underway...

~ Learn to cook....now to anyone who will listen, I will tell you I am no cook...more of a heat things in a pan on a hob kinda girl. Rich was the cook...Rich made the best Ragu, Chilli, Curry....he could cook with taste alone....he just knew what ingredient went with what...Rich would fill my freezer with food....so me and the girls would eat good food while he was away in his supportive living, attending meetings to manage his mental heath. THAT was the kind of guy Rich was. He would play music loudly from the kitchen...always with a glass of Red on the go...I would know what mood he was in by the music being played. After Rich passed, i could not...and still cannot....bring myself to cook the food he prepared that fills my freezer to the brim. Me with no apatite but of course my girls needed feeding, would go and buy anything I could put into the oven. One day my friend came round with a home made lasagna.....my girls wolfed it down....both obviously missing Rich's home cooked meals...and I knew at that point that i needed to do something so they felt Rich was still here on some level. I ordered my 1st Hello Fresh box this January. Each meal has all the ingredients you need with step by step instructions....I cooked friggin creamy mustard chicken...Spanish rice....home made burgers....Each evening i spend an hour in the kitchen, playing Rich's music...cooking food even Rich would enjoy....I swear at times i expect him to come up behind me and put his arms around me...I feel close to him...and I think he would be over the moon I am feeding the girls right.

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~ Sleep under the Stars

~ Build a fire on the beach....I was with my friend last week...she says "I have this amazing idea...us and all the kids....lets go and pitch a tent on the beech...take beer....let the kids go feral for a couple of days?" We shall be doing this this summer...

~ Create a boxing event for Rich. Before Rich passed away, the beautiful boxer that he was was training for "one last fight" Last week I started making plans for this...the venue is booked....boxers are coming in...I made all of these arrangements {seriously this is my new full time job!} without even remembering this list! I have a tattoo artist who will design the poster artwork....which brings me too

~ Get a tattoo for Rich

And you know what....I have others on my list that had no idea how they would happen....but they are...they are making little paths for me tip toe down....which i will....my beautiful man is at my side....

Sarah xx